Where You Come From
Posted: Sat May 07, 2011 3:30 am
(This is my first fan fic on the Westbrook boards. I enjoy writing about my characters -- and yours!-- and I'm happy to have a new forum to do that in. As always with anything I write, comments are welcome.)
Point South is called that because it’s on the river, just before you cross into South Carolina. You’d think because it’s on the river, it would be pretty – a nice place to go on a Saturday – but it’s not. It’s an old mill town with the mills all closed and sitting empty – big, ugly buildings, bricks turned blood-red by age and weather, with windows only up at the very top so that the generations of people who worked in them couldn’t look outside and see the world. And really, that’s what Point South is like: like you can live there your whole life and not look out and see the world.
It’s the kind of town that produces men like my dad. I could tell you how I feel about him – and how he makes me feel about myself – but it would just turn into an angst-fest, and that’s not what I’m about. Let’s just say that some people should never be parents and let it go at that. I like to think that if my mom had never met him, that maybe if she had been raised just twenty miles east of Point South, in Matthews or Mint Hill or Pineville that she would have met a better man and I would have had a better dad. But then, I wouldn’t be me now, would I?
I make excuses for my dad and how he is, but I’m not going to make them for myself. I don’t know why I am what I am now. At first I tried to ignore it, and so did my mom. My dad wouldn’t let us, and he probably made things worse by always trying to goad me and make me mad. I’d get so tense that I’d squeeze my drinking glass too hard and break it in my hand. Or I’d slam the front door and it would bust out of the frame. I learned to control my temper quick because if I ever lost it enough to take a swing at him, then…
It was easier to hide it at school. J.A. Dunlap Middle School was like, my whole world. I wasn’t one of the cool kids. I wasn’t a star pupil. I was just a face in the crowd, but that’s what I wanted. I liked my teachers, and they seemed to like me, but it wasn’t like they expected that much from me, and straight B’s means you don’t have to go up onstage on awards day. I had friends and we sat all at the same table at lunch and some of them were girls which was awesome in sixth-grade, even though it had been yucky in fifth. Middle-school was awesome. I sort of cruised through without anyone finding out that I was different.
I wish high school had been like that.
The thing that sucks about being a freshman is that it’s like starting all over again at the bottom of the food chain. If I wanted to be a face in the crowd before, then now I just wanted to fade into the background. I got almost crazy about trying to not be noticed – by anybody. The only good thing about ninth grade was that, even though I did my best to be a piece of the furniture, girls started to notice me.
Me and girls. I think I could have had a girlfriend – maybe girlfriends – but every time I get close to a girl, we become friends. I’m not good at being smooth. I can’t think of any lines to say to make a girl go all weak-kneed and swoony. I get all trip-tongued and goofy when I try to tell a girl I like her. So what happens with me and girls is that they talk to me because they think I’m nice and I listen. I listen to them talk about their parents and their friends and their boyfriends and ex-boyfriends and I do it because I like girls. I just wish I was braver and could work up the nerve to ask a girl out. I think a lot of people assumed I was gay or something because I was always hanging out with girls. (Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay.)
Anyway, a couple of weeks after the start of my first year at Point South High, I became good friends with a girl on the cheerleading squad. Her name was Dina Tillman, and of course she dated the captain of the football team, whose name was Ricky Wayne Dalrymple. Dina and I got to know each other because we both had evening jobs at Gatt’s Fish Camp. (If you want to know what a “fish camp” is, just ask me and I’ll tell you.) I had no illusions about a popular junior girl falling for a nobody freshman boy, but there was a connection there, I’m sure of that. She might not have been in love with me, but dang, I loved her. I know I did. I was happy just to be close enough to her that we were breathing the same air.
Ricky Wayne treated her like crap. I know this because she told me. He kind of forced himself on her the first time they went out, and then made her feel guilty about it. But since she was a cheerleader and he was the senior star of the Varsity team, she kept going out with him and they wound up going steady, because in a town like Point South, that’s just the way things are done.
Dina kept trying to get me to come to games so I could see her cheer. (Sometimes when we were around back of the fish camp, taking a break, she would do a cheer for me. Gosh, she was pretty in that white waitress uniform, with her red hair bouncing as she kicked her legs and chanted my name like I was the star of the team.) I kept putting her off using my busboy job as an excuse. But then she talked to Mr. Gatt and got me a Friday night off, so I had to go.
Worse danged mistake I ever made. It would lead to a whole lot of other mistakes, more serious, yeah, but not as bad. Not for me.
I went to the game and sat up in the stands, up at the top, in the back, right in front of where Dina and her squad did their routines. I didn’t go to watch the game. I didn’t notice that it was a close one. I didn’t notice that we lost on the final play. I was there for only one reason, one person. I didn’t notice a lot of things.
Like I didn’t notice that between plays, Ricky Wayne was looking at me, up there by myself on that back bleacher, looking at Dina.
It was after the game, over at the concession stand, when things went bad. I had known better than to think that Dina and I would get together and go to the bonfire that we always had, win or lose. I stopped to get a Sun Drop to drink on the walk home. I know it sounds weird, me spending two hours looking at a girl I’d never ever get so much as a kiss from, but I was feeling pretty much what you’d call euphoric. Right then, I didn’t care if I never got any more from her than her smile.
So there I was in my post-game euphoria, all happy and completely ignorant in my bliss when something slammed into me from behind. I was sent hurling into the trash cans beside the concession stand, knocking them over and flipping head over heels with the cans flipping end over end. When I stopped falling and flipping and flailing, I sat up. I was covered in whatever hotdogs, drinks, popcorn, candy, and, yeah, vomit that those trash cans contained. Of course a crowd had gathered.
It didn’t bother me so much, everybody pointing and laughing, not even when some of those laughing were teachers. What bothered me was looking up and seeing Ricky Wayne standing there, decked out in his full uniform, pads, and helmet, looming over me like he was just begging me to get up and do something about it. When I didn’t he went into this little end zone dance, grabbed a drink out of somebody’s hand, and spiked it in my face.
I counted to ten. Then I counted to ten again.
“Stay away from her.”
He didn’t say it loud. I’m pretty sure with all the giggling and chuckling and all that was going on, nobody else heard him. But I did.
I think I glared at him. I’m not sure. I know I was embarrassed as all heck. I’m pretty sure between that and me being mad, I was probably as red as a pickled beet.
Probably, right then, the best thing for me to do would have been to stay down and just let him finish what he was trying to do, let him prove his point, let him win.
But I couldn’t.
I got my feet under me and stood up.
Now it was Ricky Wayne’s turn to get red-faced – except his was all anger.
He punched me square in the face and knocked me back a step or two. When I didn’t fall down, he started looking nervous.
“Is that the best you got?”
I wish I hadn’t said that, but I did. It made me feel like a bully. Like Ricky Wayne.
But I said it, and right after I came around with my forearm to his chest, like they do in wrestling, because if you punch someone with your fist, you’re going to really hurt them, but a forearm spreads the impact out and doesn’t really hurt anybody. Well, unless that forearm belongs to somebody like me.
It was Ricky Wayne’s t urn to go flying now, and he went flying through the brick wall of the concession stand. If he wasn’t still wearing his pads and helmet, I might have killed him. As it was, they had to call him an ambulance. He had three cracked ribs and a broken arm.
I stood there after he went crashing through that wall. Just stood there like there was nothing else I could do. And there wasn’t. I had done enough. I couldn’t take it back. Couldn’t ask for a do-over where I held my temper and Ricky Wayne walked away unhurt.
I just stood there while a couple of teachers started moving bricks off of Ricky Wayne. I was still frozen when Dina came up and saw.
“What happened?”
I opened my mouth to answer her, but nothing came out. She looked at me then and that look hurt me worse than anything Ricky Wayne could do. Then she went to him.
I didn’t start the fight, and Ricky Wayne didn’t die, so I didn’t get charged with a crime. My parents didn’t have anything worth suing for, so nothing came of the whole thing except I got expelled for two weeks for fighting.
Dina never talked to me again.
Point South is called that because it’s on the river, just before you cross into South Carolina. You’d think because it’s on the river, it would be pretty – a nice place to go on a Saturday – but it’s not. It’s an old mill town with the mills all closed and sitting empty – big, ugly buildings, bricks turned blood-red by age and weather, with windows only up at the very top so that the generations of people who worked in them couldn’t look outside and see the world. And really, that’s what Point South is like: like you can live there your whole life and not look out and see the world.
It’s the kind of town that produces men like my dad. I could tell you how I feel about him – and how he makes me feel about myself – but it would just turn into an angst-fest, and that’s not what I’m about. Let’s just say that some people should never be parents and let it go at that. I like to think that if my mom had never met him, that maybe if she had been raised just twenty miles east of Point South, in Matthews or Mint Hill or Pineville that she would have met a better man and I would have had a better dad. But then, I wouldn’t be me now, would I?
I make excuses for my dad and how he is, but I’m not going to make them for myself. I don’t know why I am what I am now. At first I tried to ignore it, and so did my mom. My dad wouldn’t let us, and he probably made things worse by always trying to goad me and make me mad. I’d get so tense that I’d squeeze my drinking glass too hard and break it in my hand. Or I’d slam the front door and it would bust out of the frame. I learned to control my temper quick because if I ever lost it enough to take a swing at him, then…
It was easier to hide it at school. J.A. Dunlap Middle School was like, my whole world. I wasn’t one of the cool kids. I wasn’t a star pupil. I was just a face in the crowd, but that’s what I wanted. I liked my teachers, and they seemed to like me, but it wasn’t like they expected that much from me, and straight B’s means you don’t have to go up onstage on awards day. I had friends and we sat all at the same table at lunch and some of them were girls which was awesome in sixth-grade, even though it had been yucky in fifth. Middle-school was awesome. I sort of cruised through without anyone finding out that I was different.
I wish high school had been like that.
The thing that sucks about being a freshman is that it’s like starting all over again at the bottom of the food chain. If I wanted to be a face in the crowd before, then now I just wanted to fade into the background. I got almost crazy about trying to not be noticed – by anybody. The only good thing about ninth grade was that, even though I did my best to be a piece of the furniture, girls started to notice me.
Me and girls. I think I could have had a girlfriend – maybe girlfriends – but every time I get close to a girl, we become friends. I’m not good at being smooth. I can’t think of any lines to say to make a girl go all weak-kneed and swoony. I get all trip-tongued and goofy when I try to tell a girl I like her. So what happens with me and girls is that they talk to me because they think I’m nice and I listen. I listen to them talk about their parents and their friends and their boyfriends and ex-boyfriends and I do it because I like girls. I just wish I was braver and could work up the nerve to ask a girl out. I think a lot of people assumed I was gay or something because I was always hanging out with girls. (Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay.)
Anyway, a couple of weeks after the start of my first year at Point South High, I became good friends with a girl on the cheerleading squad. Her name was Dina Tillman, and of course she dated the captain of the football team, whose name was Ricky Wayne Dalrymple. Dina and I got to know each other because we both had evening jobs at Gatt’s Fish Camp. (If you want to know what a “fish camp” is, just ask me and I’ll tell you.) I had no illusions about a popular junior girl falling for a nobody freshman boy, but there was a connection there, I’m sure of that. She might not have been in love with me, but dang, I loved her. I know I did. I was happy just to be close enough to her that we were breathing the same air.
Ricky Wayne treated her like crap. I know this because she told me. He kind of forced himself on her the first time they went out, and then made her feel guilty about it. But since she was a cheerleader and he was the senior star of the Varsity team, she kept going out with him and they wound up going steady, because in a town like Point South, that’s just the way things are done.
Dina kept trying to get me to come to games so I could see her cheer. (Sometimes when we were around back of the fish camp, taking a break, she would do a cheer for me. Gosh, she was pretty in that white waitress uniform, with her red hair bouncing as she kicked her legs and chanted my name like I was the star of the team.) I kept putting her off using my busboy job as an excuse. But then she talked to Mr. Gatt and got me a Friday night off, so I had to go.
Worse danged mistake I ever made. It would lead to a whole lot of other mistakes, more serious, yeah, but not as bad. Not for me.
I went to the game and sat up in the stands, up at the top, in the back, right in front of where Dina and her squad did their routines. I didn’t go to watch the game. I didn’t notice that it was a close one. I didn’t notice that we lost on the final play. I was there for only one reason, one person. I didn’t notice a lot of things.
Like I didn’t notice that between plays, Ricky Wayne was looking at me, up there by myself on that back bleacher, looking at Dina.
It was after the game, over at the concession stand, when things went bad. I had known better than to think that Dina and I would get together and go to the bonfire that we always had, win or lose. I stopped to get a Sun Drop to drink on the walk home. I know it sounds weird, me spending two hours looking at a girl I’d never ever get so much as a kiss from, but I was feeling pretty much what you’d call euphoric. Right then, I didn’t care if I never got any more from her than her smile.
So there I was in my post-game euphoria, all happy and completely ignorant in my bliss when something slammed into me from behind. I was sent hurling into the trash cans beside the concession stand, knocking them over and flipping head over heels with the cans flipping end over end. When I stopped falling and flipping and flailing, I sat up. I was covered in whatever hotdogs, drinks, popcorn, candy, and, yeah, vomit that those trash cans contained. Of course a crowd had gathered.
It didn’t bother me so much, everybody pointing and laughing, not even when some of those laughing were teachers. What bothered me was looking up and seeing Ricky Wayne standing there, decked out in his full uniform, pads, and helmet, looming over me like he was just begging me to get up and do something about it. When I didn’t he went into this little end zone dance, grabbed a drink out of somebody’s hand, and spiked it in my face.
I counted to ten. Then I counted to ten again.
“Stay away from her.”
He didn’t say it loud. I’m pretty sure with all the giggling and chuckling and all that was going on, nobody else heard him. But I did.
I think I glared at him. I’m not sure. I know I was embarrassed as all heck. I’m pretty sure between that and me being mad, I was probably as red as a pickled beet.
Probably, right then, the best thing for me to do would have been to stay down and just let him finish what he was trying to do, let him prove his point, let him win.
But I couldn’t.
I got my feet under me and stood up.
Now it was Ricky Wayne’s turn to get red-faced – except his was all anger.
He punched me square in the face and knocked me back a step or two. When I didn’t fall down, he started looking nervous.
“Is that the best you got?”
I wish I hadn’t said that, but I did. It made me feel like a bully. Like Ricky Wayne.
But I said it, and right after I came around with my forearm to his chest, like they do in wrestling, because if you punch someone with your fist, you’re going to really hurt them, but a forearm spreads the impact out and doesn’t really hurt anybody. Well, unless that forearm belongs to somebody like me.
It was Ricky Wayne’s t urn to go flying now, and he went flying through the brick wall of the concession stand. If he wasn’t still wearing his pads and helmet, I might have killed him. As it was, they had to call him an ambulance. He had three cracked ribs and a broken arm.
I stood there after he went crashing through that wall. Just stood there like there was nothing else I could do. And there wasn’t. I had done enough. I couldn’t take it back. Couldn’t ask for a do-over where I held my temper and Ricky Wayne walked away unhurt.
I just stood there while a couple of teachers started moving bricks off of Ricky Wayne. I was still frozen when Dina came up and saw.
“What happened?”
I opened my mouth to answer her, but nothing came out. She looked at me then and that look hurt me worse than anything Ricky Wayne could do. Then she went to him.
I didn’t start the fight, and Ricky Wayne didn’t die, so I didn’t get charged with a crime. My parents didn’t have anything worth suing for, so nothing came of the whole thing except I got expelled for two weeks for fighting.
Dina never talked to me again.